Had Intersession today and it wasnt as boring as i thought since i have a few friends there and i sit next to one in class...so yeah. me and melissa basically spent the whole time talking (and yes believe it or not....working) and it was alright. although we're gonna end up taking a test tomorrow and probably the day after as well...since thats basically what we're in intersession for, to retake quizes and tests that we didnt do well on...so its not mandatory but after a while i chose to go :P but whatever i dont care since its only this week and i get the last week of break off. plus we get off at 12 so its cool....(this ones WAY better than any other intersession ive ever been to :P) yeah well i just felt like filling this thing up a bit more...it looks to empty even though i just changed the look of my site yesterday...oh well then i guess i'll be back on here, even though no one reads this anymore and my friends dont use this anymore...neither do i but whatever.

kae. im done<3

     you know what...?? today just made me feel like....like giving up. "/ i denno...its just the way he was acting today. it just seemed like he was avoiding me for some reason... i sure hope not. well.. on a happier note, this week was pretty much my "off week" since we only had practice monday! and not the whole rest of the week...the  only practices this week were all varsity. i feel really bad for them though, they practice so much for so long, they work so hard its not even funny... :'[ . and i was actually looking forward to practice this week...

      hmm well...back to the first subject...i think there's someone else besides him ..... but i really dont know if i should go for him.. its just because to tell the truth....and again like i said before i really dont care if he or anyone else knows this but...i like him too much to give up. but thats just another thing im confused about....whether to stop or not??... "/ this is getting ridiculous....and anyway, all the mixed signals he's giving me is driving me INSANE! seriously though....sometimes he looks like he does like me back and sometimes he DOESNT. so i dont know what to believe.... i dont like this anymore....im so frickin weak! i feel so stupid. this always happens to me...what always happens to me is i always end up waiting for the guy too long, and then after waiting for so long....it becomes a waste of time. and i dont want that to happen again....which is why i actually tried to get to know him, because i didnt want what always seemed to happen in the past happen to me again..."/....

....i denno what to think anymore...sometimes it seems like he does and sometimes it seems like he doesnt...."/ what should i do>? it seems whenever we talk  that theres nothing to talk about...and when we started school up again this semester, i heard from a reliable source (im not naming their name) that supposedly IM the one who doesnt talk to him much. well you know to me it seems he doesnt really talk to me much. i denno, they all say hes just shy.. and i am too, but i denno whether to believe that anymore or not.... "/ gahh. so frustrating </3 and yet......it still happens....and i wont explain what it is beacuse i will sound really stupid after i say it er whatever, and anyway its just what ive noticed about him ever since hes found out that i like him....i denno if i should say it or not....well, if i do decide to say it....it will just have to wait for later since i have to go....

<3

**EDIT**

 ok so im back now...ehhh i had tutoring even though i didnt need it today that is, so i ended up helping angelica and Lani on their Algebra homework  anyway...yeah well i dont think i should say what i've noticed about him...its just because in case he reads this...i dont want him to ignore me after saying it so... blehhh...."/ sorry! :P

      i finally did it yesterday...just for the sake of vee and anne  hahaha yeah so i finally gave him a hug even though i thought it would be kinda awkward for him since he knows i like him. but i guess my friend was right about how hes really nice and wouldnt be that way if i did.... plus i didnt really feel nervous about doing it since it was the last day and it was a hug good bye(plus its just a hug) to add to that i also talked to him more which made me more comfortable to do it.  anyway, me and charlene are gonna try and hang out with marlon and him this break  hopefully it all works out..

       i feel so  much better after this week and after actually talking to him instead of just saying hi.  i actually asked him stuff.. plus i gave him cake after school. hahaha yeah yeah i know that sounds weird....theres something behind that but i dont wanna type it right now  .......welll......i guess i will if i have time:(here it is)

yesterday in 6th period (colorguard) we had cake to celebrate the end of a great season and end of semester. plus we had a christmas party later on. so we all had cake. soon when the bell rang for school to end, melissa came up to me with a slice of cake and was like "here carla, get rid of this cake" ..... -_-' so im sitting there like oh great ANOTHER cake i JUST  ate one!! hahaha so then i went outside, put my stuff down to wait for my dad. then i saw marlon and he had cake already so i was like aww crap i cant give it to him, so i just hung around him 4 a second. thennnnnn i saw patrick behind him and he didnt have one so i was like YESS then i was like:

 i dont want this cake... do you want it?? then he was like "YES~! thank you so much!!"

hahaha and i was like your welcome  and he was like "thank you thank you, you're my savior"  hahaha and he was like are you sure you dont want it?? and i was like yeah you can u have it, i just ate one anyway.

        so yeah that was the little story behind that..... hah, anyway....im kinda bored now and plus i gotta go christmas shopping now....

<3 peace

         grr....i seriously have got to stop putting it off to the last minute....."/ i seriously NEED to talk to him this week....when i get the chance. because this is getting ridiculous to the point where i cant even say hi to him. and seems that whenever i do say hi to him he either didnt hear me or he didnt see me....(yet) so i would have to repeat it..which sux since i could barely say it once! -_- why me??!! grrrr and today seemed like a great day to try and talk to him since he seemed more happy and awake then he normally seems. Mostly hes always off to the side and quiet, and he looks like he doesnt really wanna talk..."/ so then thats why whenever i got the chance at lunch i never tried, sinc it looked like he wanted his space. and i didnt wanna look like i was coming up to him so much. "/

       to make matters worse.....i could talk to him online......but i cant and i wont since im such a fraidy cat and a nervous wreck that the only thing i would be able to say and the only thing i could think of to say would be hi.....-_-' obviously thats NOT good enough.....yeah i really need to get my act together. this is really ridiculous. i really cant believe myself i feel sooo stupid! "/ gosh  i feel stupid even next to my friend , since im not getting anywhere......"/ and whenever it seems like a friend of myne says they'll help me with this.....they eitther dont, or they dont want to, or they just forget because they dont care apparently. -_-' but whatever. why does he seem so hard to talk to to me?? seriously its getting on my nerves and i wish i could just not be nervous to talk to him once and for all "/........i hate this. and the only reason i would feel weird on saying anything to him is because i dont know him well enough just to say things like i say to my other friends....he would probably think im weird er something.....even though people say he wont .... you never know what he could really be thinking. and its just too bad  that i cant just get to know him more this week....since the next and last lunch is on friday....that wouldbe the only day i could talk to him......unless....... unless i do talk to him this week or maybe even just friday would be good enough since then i could be able to talk to him online during break since i'll have already talked to him before it..

WOW i cant believe i JUST thought of that....-_-'  i am SO dumb!!